And I thought last week was terrifying...

Warning. Your life is not be wished away. It is all you have.

I would like to know what happens if I just cannot make it to tomorrow?

I slept for 1 hour last night. THat is stupid. 4:45am. It is unhealthy, but atleast I went to bed with some understanding of what I was going to do in my classes. That is just not good. The real problem is that I cannot keep it up. If it takes all that just to prepare for tomorrow.... how do I ever plan ahead? I have had a terrible time trying to plan ahead becasue I don't know exactly what can be accomplished in a day, I don't understand where I want to take my students, and I haven't had the time to plan ahead with notes and fine details since... ever?

I am psycho today - I can't keep my thoughts together to accomplish simple tasks. So, I've decided to go to bed, but I don't what I'm going to do tomorrw... and then there is always the day aafter that....
Not to mention that I was at girls basketball tryouts for 3 hours tonight, 3 tomorrow, 3 on WEdnesday, and I'm ducking out of 3hours on Thursday to drive to S'toon for a meeting.

I'm ashamed that I need to share the fine details of my self-obsessed misery, but it feels like there is nothing else and there is definately no way out, but through. I do nnot want to go through. I feel finished. I could put in 3 hours tonight before sleeping but I don't know how far it will take me and it will leave me even more fried than I already am...

Despair and Defeat.

Who would have thought... I would love Meat so much

I have been listening to Meat, and others, sing Jim Steinman songs for several weeks now. This is an alert to self. How is it that a person can miss the brilliance right before them so easily? What other gems has this gal not yet opened herself up to? It excites me, like there are presents yet to be opened, waiting for me, and they might not be to far off...
On the flip side, how is it that I have had such a change of heart about Meat? Is it possible that all it took was exposure or is it that life is so much more enjoyable with a story-teller? Whatever the truth, I like Steinman and I like Meat.

Three in the morning and I am having the first sense that maybe I could go to bed and survive tomorrow... not perfectly, but I could live with it. Having fallen asleep in a staff meeting today has upped my concern about my stamina for the next 40+ days... and I am still asking who I am doing this for? ME? Oh, how nice of me! To do all of this for me?! I really must be committed to me- I'll have to remember that when I'm feeling down. I'm here in P.A., for ME. Thanks me. That's real dedication. I ought to treat myself to another latte.